January 2012
2 posts
1 tag
It has been difficult to give a name to my transition back into authentic faith, which started roughly 16 months ago. I add the “authentic” qualifier because virtually all of my concerns about God still exist on some level, but they don’t control my beliefs anymore. (That sentence itself cost me a friend.)
I would be understating the experience to say that my return to faith was...
August 2011
3 posts
Conversation With Moving Company
Me: Hi. Just wanted to check and see why no one is at my house. Someone was supposed to be here at 10am. It's now 12:15.
Him: No problem, sir. Can I get your name?
Me: Jorge Parrales
Him: Parrales, Parrales, Parrales. Spelling?
Me: P-a-r-r-a-l-e-s
Him: (After several minutes) Mr. Parrales, I can't seem to find your move on here. Are you sure it was with us?
Me: It most certainly is with you. You're the company I've used for my last three moves. I have a contract here from you guys that says you'll be out here at 10am. Would you like me to read you my move number? (Read him the #)
Him: Huh... There you are.
Me: THERE I AM!
Him: Well, Mr. Parrales, we've got a pretty full schedule today. It's gonna be some trouble to fit you in.
Me: Oh, no big deal. WOULDN'T WANT TO TROUBLE YOU!
Him: Sorry, I guess that's not the answer you're looking for. I think I might be able to get some guys to do some overtime for you in the evening. It's just that we called you yesterday to confirm the move and you didn't answer, so...
Me: You're making that up. I have absolutely no missed calls, no voicemails, or anything of the sort. What I do have is a copy of the contract I signed and faxed to your company that says you would be out here this morning. I also have ALL of the email exchanges between myself and Jennifer, who confirmed receipt of the contract and whose last email to me says, "Thanks, Mr Parrales! Our guys will be out there on Tuesday morning!" So are you really going to tell me that I failed to do MY PART?! Is that really what's happening here?
Him: Well, no. Maybe not. We might have just overlooked your booking. But like I said, I can get some guys out there tonight, I'm sure.
Me: Oh, tonight! That's perfect! I tell you what. You make it a free move, I'll be more than happy to tip your workers generously, and I'll go ahead and agree to getting moved 10 hours later than I was supposed to.
Him: Mmmmm, I'm not sure we can do that.
Me: Yeah, sorry for all the trouble. I AM asking a lot. Bye.
I laughed, she cried...
Tara and I have been living (sort of) at the same apartment complex for two years now. The first year had not been entirely thrilling, but decent enough for us to accept a second year when they offered a month without rent in order to have us renew. The second year served as a vivid reminder that it is not always best to follow the savings. Our A/C repeatedly broke more often than it worked, and...
July 2011
1 post
1 tag
Avoiding Collections?
Me: Hi, this is Jorge from Lake Ridge Eye Care, calling for Keisha.
Her: I don't know any Keisha.
Me: Keisha [last name]?
Her: Yes, I don't know who that is. Stop calling here for her.
Me: Um...ok. Are you sure? I just wanted to tell her that her frames have arrived.
Her: Oh...hold on...KEISHA! Phone for you!
June 2011
1 post
Hashtag #NeverForget
During the month leading up to the Dallas Cowboys’ final regular season in Texas Stadium, ESPN Radio was giving away season tickets once a day.
I had a deal with my friend, Ryan, that every time one of us heard the queue on the radio to call in, we would alert the other. If one of us won as a result, we would split the tickets. I also had my wife (then, fiance) helping me out. I gave her...
April 2011
1 post
Yeah, my eyes watered a little...so shoot me.
One of my best friends (Ryan H) once defined my personality so perfectly, even I felt like I knew myself better after I heard it. While trying to describe me to his girlfriend before we had met, he told her, “The thing about Jorge is: whenever he decides to care about something, he cares about it obsessively, regardless of how significant it actually is.”
After he told me what he had...
February 2011
1 post
January 2011
2 posts
2 tags
“My life is really evil. There are people starving in the world, and I drive an...”
– Louis CK - Always reliable for a really good laugh that makes you feel a tiny bit guilty.
December 2010
2 posts
All I Want For Christmas:
I write long blog entries. Get over it.
The holiday is only a week away and every now and then, I feel a twinge of the Christmas spirit. It is always a fleeting feeling.
I don’t know if it is somehow related to my upbringing or if something else is to blame, but I have never been inclined to anticipate major dates on the calendar. It is a constant struggle for me to “look forward...
jonathanwithaj: You have bewitched me, Madam. As... →
Absolute blog entry magic by
jonathanwithaj:
You have bewitched me, Madam.
As you so delicately retrieve from your buttocks the crushed velvet sweatpants that have wedged between those massive mounds of tempting flesh, I am filled with ravenous lust. The crocks that adorn your feet seamlessly blend into the pattern of the floor upon which…
November 2010
4 posts
Life isn’t going to be perfect.
Something has changed, just don’t ask me to give it a name.
In which pushy Pandora and I get "complicated."
Pandora: Bravery.
Me: mmmm. I like that.
Pandora: you like that don't you?
Me: mmmmm. Yes.
Pandora: Passion Pit.
Me: ooh. That's it. That's how I like it.
Pandora: Yeah yeah yeahs?
Me: OH GOD YES YES!
Pandora: Tom Petty?
Me: um.
Pandora: Wait baby, wait... Aerosmith?
Me. I don't like it...
Pandora: Cold Play?
Me: NO.
Pandora: You might like it. Try it.
Me: NO.
Pandora: Some women love it. Try it.
Me: ow.
Pandora: Just the tip?
Me: No means no.
Pandora: Red Hot Chili Peppers?
Me: Oh god- NO!
Pandora: I gave you Passion Pit. You're going to take this.
Me: please no... I don't like this.
Pandora: UNDER THE BRIDGE DOWNTOWN!!!
Me: *gag*
Pandora: I'm almost done...
Me: mmmmph
Pandora: TGIFridays...
Me: AAAAH!
Pandora: almost almost almost... THERE.
Me: *sigh*
Pandora: Daft Punk?
Me: ooh! Yes!
Pandora: Slut.
+1 to Knowlton Thomas of techvibes.com for this statement in a recent article about parents and their propensity to put every potentially embarrassing moment of their child’s life on display via their social network of choice.
“I make no effort to hide my disdain for parents who shove their newborns into the digital spotlight, giving the world a peek into the ups and downs of a baby...
October 2010
3 posts
3 tags
We had 65 followers on Twitter. Our website, officially created and opened on this past Friday night was averaging 115 hits through its first four days. It wasn’t that great, but it was a good enough start for a niche-type website.
But then, on Tuesday, at 2 in the morning, Rangers’ star pitcher (second only to Cliff Lee) CJ Wilson tweeted one of our “cleefacts”. When that...
Lately, I’ve learned to empathize with people who fight for causes that are either politically incorrect or just simply not mainstream enough to gain traction. Not because I agree with them, but because they have the burden of first having to legitimize what matters to them.
2 tags
Tomorrow is my two-year wedding anniversary with Tara. We started dating seven years ago.
One time, during one of our many email exchanges, my father realized just how obsessed I had become with mobile technology, particularly Google’s Android mobile operating system. Upon learning the extent of my enthusiasm, this was part of his response to me:
I knew you had become a fan of all of...
September 2010
4 posts
amywithlemon: Sex Fantasy →
Greatest blog entry in the history of ever.
amywithlemon:
(cue The Ramones “I wanna be Sedated”)
George Washington walks in, sees me leaning over my laptop, confused look on my face, oh- what’s that? Looks like I need some help… Such a difficult essay.
Nikita Khrushchev is across the room looking at me with bemused interest. He sneers at me over his…
Well, our A/C is out yet AGAIN! We don’t live in a crappy apartment complex, honestly. We just got the one apartment that has a defective A/C unit and the complex doesn’t want to just replace the unit altogether. BUT, the good thing is that my harshly worded letter to the management company the last time this happened seems to have done the job. My account must be flagged under the...
“I don’t want a tomato picked by a Mexican. I want it picked by an...”
– Stephen Colbert, genius that he is…..
6 tags
The Decision...
Thanks again for ruining that, Lebron.
Five months ago, I publicly outed myself as a skeptic, an agnostic and a Christian. It IS as strange and contradictory as it sounds. For three years, I had been dealing with doubts about the faith I was raised on. The people closest to me had long been aware of where I stood on the matter, and that was good enough for me. But in April, I chose to be public...
August 2010
5 posts
1 tag
Just finished sending this email to the property management company that runs my apartment complex. I’m so over them, although we have to stick it out for another 12 months. I’m not kidding when I say I am about to get legal on these fools.
Yesterday, at 4:56 pm I called in a service request for a broken A/C. The ticket# is 969887. It is perhaps understandable that they...
4 tags
Oh….okay. Now he’s THAT guy. Mister “uses-song-lyrics-to-convey-unspoken-feelings-in-his-blog”…….
Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry You don’t know how lovely you are I had to find you, tell you I need you Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions Oh, let’s go back to the start Running in circles, coming...
“I love 3D movies! I saw Captain EO when it came out and it changed my f*cking...”
– Quoted from InfoMania
This story is true. I can not explain it. I can not rationalize it. But it really happened.
“Stop this! Stop sitting there, laughing at me and ignoring the baby!”
It was mid-December, 2001. I was 17 years old. I was pushing these words out through clenched teeth, tears flowing down my face. I was screaming at B, my ex-girlfriend. Only seven months prior, B and I had been kicked out...
July 2010
3 posts
The cat that didn't get away...
This story is dedicated to Oreo/Stickers. Don’t you ever cross me.
Yesterday, my wife told me she was going to throw all of my old Atmos shirts away. For anyone unfamiliar, Atmos Energy is the premier natural gas distribution company in the state of Texas, as well as many other states throughout the nation. I was employed there for 2 1/2 years, first as a meter reader and then later...
2 tags
DON'T TRUST SHOPPING CARTS, Y'ALL!!!
Yesterday morning, I woke up feeling perfectly fine. I ran some errands, one of which included a trip to Target to get some things for mine and Tara’s upcoming visit to Louisiana. A couple hours after these errands were completed, I noticed my throat was starting to feel a little bit sore. I thought nothing of it, sucked on a lozenge and figured everything would be fine. By 5:00, I was...
4 tags
I’ve re-written this entry so many times.
The most difficult thing to deal with as a skeptic is the people around me. More pointedly, their perception of me. Whether they are skeptics themselves or not, I am regularly required to provide an explanation for my current position and even more consistently, I am given an unwarranted rebuttal. Of course, it’s the people within the...
June 2010
6 posts
3 tags
A Story About Poo in Preschool
“Who did this?”
I looked around the room, wondering if anyone was actually going to take credit for the huge piece of shit lying in the middle of our preschool classroom. It was big…..it was massive. No, seriously. It could have been mistaken for one of us kids.
“I said, ‘Who did this?’”
My teacher was obviously not expecting someone to confess. Instead, she was using the seemingly...
1 tag
Of my father.....
My father always came through for me when I needed someone to count on. Every good trait that I have is attributable to him, but I didn’t get enough of them. He’s a good man……..a sickeningly good man. He’s one of the few individuals in life who actually made effort to live up to the same standards he expected from his family. He wasn’t perfect, but I genuinely...
Don't Ask
The purpose of this post is to verify my blog on another site. Don’t worry about it.
EAVB_LDWZNNNFVT
2 tags
If you’ve never heard of Failbook, it’s time to discover this website. It is an absolutely hysterical compilation of screenshots from Facebook, whether they are status updates, photos, wall posts, etc. People say the darndest things. Here’s one of my absolute favorites.
Thanks to Kimmy Burrows for introducing me to Failbook. Here’s her twitter and her tumblr.
1 tag
Is it normal to be terrified of achieving your dreams in life?
This is going to be such a mellow blog, I can already tell.
You’ll (possibly) remember my obnoxiously long entry from a month and a half ago, where I confessed to a new perspective in life. I listed some of my frustrations with the basics of christianity (the religion I was raised with, like most everyone else it seems). I...
May 2010
10 posts
1 tag
3 tags
2 tags
1 tag
1 tag
Facebook: This is a post for nerds,...
The truth is, everyone should care about this stuff, since just about all of them have a Facebook account. But for most, it’s hard to care about these things until you become the one-in-[insert large number] who are victimized by online fraud. In the interest of full disclosure, I have to say that I’m actually annoyed by the onslaught of media attacks on Facebook recently, mainly...
1 tag
When I was a child, I loved french fries, Shoney’s restaurant, Steven Curtis Chapman and building things.
I still like french fries and the occasional Lego adventure. I don’t miss my childhood.
On an entirely unrelated note, I recently began reading a book by A.J. Jacobs, titled The Year of Living Biblically. His previous work includes The Know-It-All, which chronicles his hopeless...
1 tag
Using my May 2 word of the day in conversation
Me: You need to be more sadistic.
Them: I don't even know what that means.
Me: You're kidding, right?
Them: No, I'm pretty stupid.
Me: Well, I guess nobody can accuse you of being sesquipedalian.
Them: Jorge! Didn't you just hear what I said? What did you just call me?
Me: An ignoramus.
Them: Ugh! (Walks off.......)
Success!
1 tag
So I have a dictionary application on my android smart phone, just as any self-respecting remotely-intelligent person would. And I love it, just as any word nerd should. A few days ago, I put a widget on my phone’s homescreen called the ‘Word of the Day’, hoping to expand my vocabulary a bit more. But I found that most of the words the application lists are words I am already...
April 2010
1 post
1 tag
So….I’m faking it.
I have been for somewhere around a month, now. And while it hasn’t been as bad as I was afraid it would be, it’s still not ideal.
It’s been no secret to virtually anyone in my life over the last few years. I’ve tormented over the concept of a god—or at least a god that has an agenda driven by love for me that I am supposed to...
March 2010
1 post
So I, along with several other friends, have been planning the launch of a sports website, called Premier Sports Talk. It’s been taking most of my free time (i.e. blog time), but I hope that it’ll be worth it.
Including my ‘partners’, we have at least nine people committed to being regular contributing writers already. We’re hoping to have at least 15 by the launch,...